I Once Rode A Mechanical Bull

      One time, I had a wild moment of terror on a turning, bucking, fuzzy piece of mechanical equipment...

     I was standing on the other side of white plastic fence at my local county fair, being entertained by giddy teenage girls, arrogant teenage boys, and drunk 300 lb. men.  I watched them one by one step onto the cushioned platform, straddle the bull, spin faster and faster and faster, and, one by one, get tossed off like they were nothing more than a sack of potatoes.  One rather large man was even flung through the fence!  After that incident, I wasn't at all feeling any strong urges to give the bull a ride myself.

     As life would have it though, my buddy came up to me and dared me to give it a go with him.  I will admit, I very much wanted to talk my way out of the situation but you know that feeling you get when you don't want to do something, but you know you'll regret it later?  Yup, I had one of those moments. So there I found myself waiting in line with a friend beside me.  A lady eventually handed us a pen and a clipboard with a paper on top where we had to mark our signatures.  It stated that we held ourselves responsible to any injuries that could happen during the ride.  Intriguing, right?  From there, K and I slid our gloves on that were given to us at the gate.  We stepped onto the platform, straddled the bull, locked hands, laughed nervously, and felt the object beneath us turn alive.

     Upside down on that thing, it did cross my mind...I'm going to fly off of this thing, snap my neck, and die!...But guess what?!  I didn't die!  In fact, after we fell off, we got a standing ovation!  When I was dizzily making my way to the exit, a little girl even came up to me and said, "THAT WAS AWESOME!"  For the rest of the night, I felt pretty proud of myself.

     No matter how much we might detest it in the moment, when it's over, it almost ALWAYS makes for a good story.  As Eleanor Roosevelt once said,  "Do one thing every day that scares you."  Could you imagine how different our lives would be if we took up the challenge?  We'd be fearless.

Dream big, Darlings!

An Essential Reintroduction

      Maybe you know me personally; or maybe we were once active followers on each other's blog; or maybe we both disappeared when I changed my link, title, and design to something entirely different.  I'm going to guess that most of you relate to option c) I disappeared entirely.  It seems to happen annually and with each time I think that this one will be the one.  There will be no more title/blog changes.  This is the one.  But to those of you who know me personally, you understand that I'm not a person who can make commitments.

     Here in 2016, I've spent my hours recreating and re-imagining the blog of my dreams.  The blog that will forever be what it is.  I think I've found it.  I think this is the one.  How do I know?  My mom has told me countless times that things just happen when the time is right and meant to be.  In the last few weeks, things have just happened.  Codes simply appear, words jump out at me, and designs that I have always dreamed of become a reality.  So let us cheer to my...third fresh start?

     With me turning a new leaf, an essential reintroduction feels like a must.  Sip some tea and let me tell you a little about myself so we can stand up and leave the room feeling like we've both made a new friend.

     - My name is Sarah.  I have never cared for my name for I don't feel any connection toward it nor do I feel that it expresses me, but it is what it is so I must accept it.

     - At this moment, I am seventeen years of age.

     - I'm a junior in high school and have been home schooled from day one.  It's an extraordinary experience with its many pros and fewer cons.

     - I live in a tiny town with surrounding tiny towns where everyone knows everyone and you have to drive a decent distance in order to find yourself surrounded by anything but corn fields.  It's peaceful but most of the time it's a little too slow for me.

     - I long for the life of someone who never stops seeing new places, learning new things, and meeting new people.

     - I have, what I call, ratchet hazel eyes (nobody knows what color they are), long brown hair, and lean odd limbs.  Random fact: When I was younger, I used to think I had cancer because my hands were larger than my face.

     - I buy more books than I can read, but it is a passion that will never cease.  Books and reading will be a guaranteed life of happiness and contentment.

     - I write a lot.  If my mom ever finds one of my journals, I'll be grounded for life.

     - I have a deep appreciation for art.  The art of painting, the art of photography, the art of music, the art of conversation, the art of loving, and the art of living.

     - I smile a lot without realizing that I'm smiling.  I just simply enjoy smiling.

     - I love the color red.  The red that is deeper than a ruby but nearly the same shade as blood.  I'd paint my walls in it if my mom wasn't so worried about it being one day impossible to paint over.

      - I wear a thick silver ring on my thumb because I don't feel like me when it's not on my finger.

     - I have a very large variety of music that I love to listen to.  A boy once stared at me and told me that he always tries to find a common pattern between the songs on my shuffle, but he simply cannot.  Every song that comes next is as different as the one before.

     - I absolutely adore cats because they're so odd and shopping because it's an addicting challenge to create an outfit that no one has ever seen before.

     - I don't eat gluten or carbonated beverages. (Yes, that means no pizza!)

     - I like drinking my water out of wine glasses because it makes me feel sophisticated.

     - I believe that everything happens for a reason.  Everything.

   

     *stands up, smiles*  I made a new friend today.

Dream big, Darlings!

   

My Messed Up Teenage Romance

     *strokes chin and questions if this is a good idea*

Take a risk, Sarah!  Okay!

     Life tends to be hilariously ironic sometimes.  As an example, since I was a little girl, I've always told myself that I would only be with men who are a) taller than me, and b) older than me.  The irony of this is that the only boy to ever really catch my eye was a) the exact (and I mean EXACT) same height as me, and b) a little over two weeks younger than me.  Irony. 

     So let's rewind the clock to last summer.  Free time was endless, the days were hot, and something was out there.  That something being, of course, feelings that I never knew, quite frankly, I possessed.  They came when a boy and yes, I mean "The Boy" from this post and this post, caught my attention.   He was different from the others, suave, confident, funny, and was so...individual and strong and himself.  He was very much himself.  If I could tell you his name, I would, but I don't trust the internet that much.  Oh, and we also had a LOT in common.  To the point where I still think we're the same person, just opposite genders...if that makes sense.

     So there began my mission to win this boy over and, let me tell you, I was and still am clueless when it comes to trying to catch a male's full attention.  The only thing I know how to do is friendzone 'em.  But this ended up working to my advantage because first, I discovered he liked one of my very close friends.  Second, I told myself that if I couldn't be his girlfriend, I'd be his best friend so guess what happened?  My close friend didn't return his feelings and tada!  One day, he discovered how oddly alike we were and we changed best friends to boyfriend-girlfriend.  

     Dating is weird.  It's fun but it's weird.  Weird, weird, weird.  It's fun in a way that you discover a person who you can connect with, become best friends with, and create new memories with.  And trust me, there were a few.  From awkward confrontations with cops to awkward family weddings to everything awkward that comes with a first relationship.  A lot of memories.  But through the fun, I discovered a very important factor about myself.  I was not made for relationships.  I don't mean in any form or way that every relationship is like this, of course.  This is all just my personal weird opinion.  

     It began to bother me when I couldn't go anywhere alone without someone asking me where he was or why he wasn't with me.  It perturbed me when people asked how we were even together when we didn't text or see each other 24/7.  If you aren't each others #1 bestfriend on SnapChat, are you really dating?  I began to cower away from him.  It was like the whole world thought we were supposed to be one and all I wanted was an easygoing high school relationship.  Every time I was with him, I could no longer see what I saw the first time I saw him.  I saw only our future and that, itself, was nonexistent.  My dreams outgrew his by infinity.  Looking at it now, it was all so very sad.  I secretly despised his compliments that he'd give me.  I even stopped laughing as much because he once told me his favorite thing was my smile.  I wanted him to like me but I didn't want him to like me and I wanted to like him but I was too afraid to grow close in case I began to like him.  It wasn't healthy and I see that now.

  

     But this isn't supposed to be my depressing life lesson, to wait until I'm ready with what comes with a relationship.  Yes, I did break it off on New Years Eve morning because I'm a savage human being and yes, I might of smiled and laughed through my entire speech that I ended up forgetting when the time came, which makes me an even more savage human being.  But two months later, we're great friends.  He actually comes over to my house a lot because he happens to get along really well with my little brother.  We still talk, we still joke and pick on each other,  and, yeah, there's always the elephant in the room that likes to remind us that we once were more than friends, but we're happy and that's what matters.  Everything's for the best now, I've resurfaced from my metaphorical coma, and I'm finally starting to feel like me again. 

     My lesson here, is that you should never get into something you're not ready to put your time into.  I do NOT regret my first relationship at all because I've learned a lot about myself and it actually was really fun most of the time, but I think I jumped into it too quickly without really thinking it through.  Just be careful, think before you do, and if you think he/she's the one, love fearlessly.  He deserved to be loved and appreciated, but in my case, I could only do that by being just friends with him.  Know what you want.  It's important.

P.S.  Still the queen of friendzoning and I might of also broken up with him because I have major commitment issues and just really missed being single. And, boy, does it feel good.  (<--Savage)

Dream big, Darlings!

An Overpass, 21c, and The Seelbach Hotel

 "Half the fun of travel is the aesthetic of lostness."

- Ray Bradbury

     About once a month or two, I'll go through this phase where my brain stops, but goes crazy all at the same time.  I'll catch myself gazing out windows, tuning out people's conversations, or stalking Alex Centomo on YouTube.  Why?  Because I get bored of waking up to the same old things and I get bored of the same old conversations!  So what do I do?  I travel three hours down south to go on a two day adventure filled with culture and shenanigans with my favorite person, Kayla. 

     Sometime around 9:00pm on the brisk evening of January 29th, Kayla and I buckled ourselves into Kayla's car and our so called adventure began.  First, I was able to finally meet Kayla's group of friends who I must are some of the coolest people I have ever met.  They use big words when speaking, have very impressive vinyl collections, and really seem to understand/see the world as it is, a place of opportunities and infinite beauty.  I know that you wild bunch of beautiful souls are not reading this but, I'd like to say that you are all truly amazing.

     Second, Kayla and her "gang" took me to a magical place.  I know you must be thinking that this magical place had to of been a bookstore but no, it was an overpass.  We had to walk through a park, some trees, and then there it was, a cement ledge and beneath that, two tunnels where cars passed to and from.  Despite the cold air, it was breathtaking. So there we sat on the ledge, taking it in, huddling together, looking over the edge at the cars disappearing into the hillside, and time stood still.

     

     Naturally and unknowingly, the park closed at 11pm and we happened to be there at 12:30am so we got busted by the cops for trespassing.  Luckily, the kind gentlemen let us go without charges, but unfortunately, 3/4 of our "Adventure Crew" were spooked out by the cops and went home.  Those who remained were Kayla, A, and myself.  

     Onto the third adventure, shall we?  We hit up Waffle House and scarfed down two plates of golden hashbrowns. 

     Forth, Kayla drove A and I to downtown Louisville, which is beautiful by the way, where we visited a 24 hour modern art museum.  If I've got my facts right, I believe it is also a hotel which explains the 24 hour part.  This wonderful place is called 21c.  At 2am, we observed the strangest forms of art, closed off a room to turn down the lights so we could dance, took Polaroids, sneaked into the mens room to check out the rumored waterfall urinals, and lied on the floor in a dark room filled with exotic photography to talk about life. 

     Fifth, after exiting 21c feeling refreshed and cultured, we sprinted across the street to, I believe, the entrance to some kind of space museum because in front of the museum was this... 

And there, darlings, was day one.  

I take it back, A stole a traffic cone in the middle of the city and placed it in a stranger's yard.  Wild.

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     Day two started later than Kayla and I wanted.  Here's a tip, if you want to be productive, don't sleep in a dark basement.  You won't wake up until noon.

     We went to the one and only Seelbach Hotel.  The story behind the Seelbach Hotel is that this very place was many many years ago visited by one of my favorite authors, F. Scott Fitzgerald.  It was here where inspiration struck him to write The Great Gatsby.  What's beautiful is that as I walked across its marble floor, I felt like I'd stepped into the story itself.  There was a wide open staircase with gold railings which wrapped around the second floor and a giant chandelier.  But really, there was gold just everywhere.  I will admit I was extremely intimidated by its exquisiteness.  Kayla and her sister had to practically drag me to the front door.  The hotel had valet and that to me is intimidating alone.  

     No, we did not stay in the Seelbach.  One day, I'd very much like to, but it's a bit out of my budget at the moment.  Instead, the three of us went there for lunch at their new restaurant called Gatsby's on Fourth. 

Believe it or not, the food was even better than it looks (10 OUT OF 10 QUESO).  Until next time...

Dream big, Darlings!

October & November In A Nutshell

     Happy December!  Which is strange to say because a week ago, I almost wrote the date as October in my journal, until I checked my phone, and it said December 1st... I kind of just stared at the ceiling after that and contemplated whether or not this was a good thing or a bad thing.  Yes, Christmas Eve is less than three weeks away which is a great thing.  Also, 2016 is right around the corner which is neither bad nor exhilarating for that only gives me one more year until graduation.  This is in fact terrifying.

     But hey, life must go on whether I'm ready for it or not, right?  This now brings me to my next topic of discussion:  Where did I go and what have I been up to?

Well, let me tell you.

    Out of politeness, I should say I'm sorry.  I am more than fully aware of my absence on my blog.  However,  I'm tired of apologizing for my lack of writing on here.  In my time away, I have discovered new hopes, dreams, and goals.  I even have a fresh list of topics I'm excited to blog about.  I just pray I have the strength to actually fulfill my wishes and, for once, not procrastinate.  

In the meantime, welcome to October...

      October was, I guess one could say, eventful.  From my town's annual Oktoberfest to homecoming to turning blueprints into a reality, October left me breathless.

   

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Forty degree weather in summer dresses is an...experience.

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     This would take up an entire post if I went into detail so I'll only explain this briefly.  Towards the end of October,  I was able to complete Phase One of my Girl Scout Gold Award project.  This is the highest honor in Girl Scouts, equivalent to Eagle Scout in Boy Scouts.  

     My complete project is going to be a 13,584 sq. ft.  nature area at a park in my town.  It's been quite the journey to make it a reality.  From having meetings with the town managers to giving presentations to strangers in order to raise money, it's been a life changing experience.

     I also made the front page of the local newspaper which is insane!  It's is also a great excuse to tell your parents when you don't feel like leaving the house.  "Oh, you know, Mom.  I just don't want to have to deal with the paparazzi right now."  

Welcome to November!  It mostly flew by in a blur.  School, work, repeat.  

      However, something I did do:  refurbished a desk.  It was old, it was ugly, and it was outdated so I took it upon myself to wash it and paint it.  It was unrecognizable in its new fresh layer of glossy black paint.

     This desk means a lot to me.  Not just because it belonged to my deceased grandma, but because for some ridiculous reason, I blamed all of my procrastination habits on this desk.

If my desk was finished, I'd blog more.

If my desk was finished, my school work would be done sooner.

If my desk was finished, everything would get done when it was supposed to.

   On and on and on it went!  I did this for months considering it was my plan to have this finished before summer, but instead, it didn't happen until a few weeks ago.  Even now, I use it. I have my dreams for it, but I'm wondering if I'm going to start blaming my laziness on something else or not.  It's all somewhat ridiculous.

*face palms self*

 Dream big, Darlings!

Northern Lights || Music

She's tired of thinking till the sun comes up... her body aches when she's awake.

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I want to touch the Northern Lights.  We could leave the world behind.  

I want to know what it's like to walk away from this life.

+ + + + +

     Dream big, Darlings!