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Monday, May 1, 2017

Oh Boy || 2

    Hello, World.  It's me, your loyal ceiling tile starer.

     Habits are manipulative, especially the bad ones.  During the week of my last post, I had gotten myself into a good routine of exercising, journaling, and doing yoga every day.  For the first time in a long time, my mind was beginning to feel enlightened and inspired again all thanks to my new "habits".  I had an infinite amount of ideas for my new authentic take to my blog and I was ohhhh sooo  excited.  However (due to falling back into old habits),  I stopped with the journaling, and then the yoga, and then the exercising, and this all stopped my "inspirational groove".  It was amazing how fast my life catapulted backwards.  I stopped drinking water, my bedroom floor disappeared due to the mess that quickly took it over, and my big ole ego booted my self love muscle to the passenger seat.  But, hey, everything happens for a reason, right?  Now you will be able to really ride along with me through my HELP! I DON'T KNOW WHO I AM OR WHAT TO DO WITH MY LIFE process.  

     Truth be told, however, I think I know who I am or at least who I'm supposed to be.  I'm just too lazy to get there.  People say you should listen to your heart and I know what my heart is telling me; I've always known.  I've been feeling its deepest desires within me for a long time, but I've created the habit of ignoring them and I think now, where I am and what I'm going through, is my soul telling me, "That's enough, Sarah.  Your shit-show life right now is your wake up call, your motivator."  And I know it's right.  Every single bone in my body is telling me that it's time.  
     So this is where this blog comes in and this is where you come in.  I need an outside world to know the process that's taking place inside of me to serve as a form of motivation.  I'm hoping that if I really involve the world, I won't quit and I won't lose my chance of becoming my full potential right now instead of 10 or 20 years down the road.  I really want this and I know that I need this because it's something that my heart and soul have been yearning for since middle school.  I don't know if the world will care or listen or if this blog will just end up turning into a sad little deadzone on the internet, but I'm going to try.  As one of my favorite quotes states...

"Never give up on a dream just because of the time 
it will take to accomplish it.  The time will pass anyway"

~ Earl Nightingale
   
     Even more truth be told, I need a distraction right now.  This past Sunday morning somewhere between 5 and 6AM, I found myself having a serious argument with my date on prom night.  We've decided to take a spontaneous two week break from each other due to our "fling" being stressful, complicated, and dysfunctional as fu...dge.  Yeah, I'm having boy troubles.  Beautiful, intoxicating, back-breaking, incredibly frustrating boy troubles.  I need to distract myself from constantly glancing at my phone waiting for him to suddenly decide that two weeks is too long.  I can bet you a beautiful crisp dollar bill that he won't be texting me anytime soon, therefor, Plan A: DISTRACTION!. 

      Plan A: DISTRACTION! is rocket launching myself into this blog and my dream life so I'm having SO MUCH FUN that my two weeks away from Brown Eyes will be the best two weeks of my life...or something like that.  I'm trying not to have too high of expectations... ;)

    So, girl, go scoop yourself a bowl of ice cream as I just did (Breyer's Mint Chocolate Chip... yum, yum, yum) and maybe even some helpful tips to help a girl out.  ;)  We girls have to stick together during times like this.  *sighs* I suppose it's just another sign from above for me to start living.  In the meanwhile, I just need to talk about it, world, because I think it'll help me truly.  Everyday, I need to talk about it.  I have made the decision to be authentic on here so authentic I shall be.

     Yesterday...

Day one:

I cried like a baby... I don't want to talk about it.

     Today...

Day two:

I checked my phone a billion times to see if he liked my latest Instagram post.  Negative.  Good news, I've come to the conclusion that this break is a good thing.  In fact, it should've happened weeks ago.  I'm growing tired, will explain tomorrow.




2 comments:

  1. Hey girl! Damn that's hard, boys are so much trouble sometimes but calling a break can be a good thing. I hope things turn out okay. On a whole different notes habits are hard to keep. You start strong then grow out of them then realize those habits need a comeback so your strong again until you break something. It's a cycle and Eventually you will have less fall outs.

    Until tomorrow! If you need someone to talk with or vent to you know where to find me!

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    1. Vanessa, your comments are the GREATEST. I like your viewpoint on habits. That makes a lot of sense and now that you mention it, it has become much easier for me to get back into my new healthy habits with each fallback.

      Awwww! Thank you! I'll keep you in mind!

      xoxo

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