Saturday, March 30, 2013

A Brother In Heaven

Dear Followers,
I'm sorry, I haven't posted in almost a month. I'm sad to say that I have a good excuse.
On March 11, 2013, my brother, Nick, died two days after his 21st birthday. It hurts me to say that he took his own life. I know people will judge him and think, "Oh, he must of been really depressed." But the truth is, is that Nick was the happiest man I have ever known. And I hope you'll understand.
 Nick was the kind of guy that never complained. He listened, laughed, smiled, quoted movies like it was his job, and could make you laugh until you cry. Nick could also remember every little detail about his childhood.
There's not one thing I can do that doesn't remind me of him these days. It hurts.
Every single time I strum my guitar...Nick always wanted to learn it.
Eating food...Nick ate ALL the time.
Watching basketball...Nick and I joked around about how boring it was.
Watching movies...Nick could never stop quoting them.
When I listen to music...Nick would sit in his room and turn up his radio till you had to tell him to turn it down because you were trying to sleep or do homework.
When I hear or see big loud trucks...Nick's big grey truck was practically his baby.
When I play cards...Nick and I used to go to my great grandma's house and play 500 rummy.
I could name off a billion things but the one I hate the most is when I laugh. I think about all the times we've laughed together. All the times I've walked into a room and heard his silly sounding laugh echo through the house and knew he was there. I'll never forget that laugh and I'll never be able to laugh the same.
As I walk through his bedroom, I think of all the things I'll really miss.
His cowboy boots.
His big Carhartt coat.
His perfect smile.
His funny laugh.
His smell of cologne that wafted through the house when he was going out on the weekend.
His big loud truck that he took so much pride in.
His kindness.
And once again, I could list off a million.

Nick was the other pea in my pod. We thought the same. We acted the same. We were everything the same. Nick understood everything. I would tell him things that were bothering me and he would simply listen and nod. Every time something exciting happened while I was out and about, I would always look forward to coming home and telling it to Nick. When I was having a bad day, I'd walk to his room, sit on his bed, and he would tell me story after story until I was practically in tears from laughter. I'll really miss that. My big brother. My best friend.

I'll miss you and love you forever, Nick. I still can't believe you're gone.
There are just two things I would like to ask of you before you leave. Please keep Nick in your prayers. And please! Please! I don't care how much you may hate your brother...give him a hug, do something nice for him, or play a game. Just do something because you never know how much time they'll have left.
Thank you,


  1. I'm so sorry, I'll be praying for your family! This is my first time on your blog, and you already had me in tears. I'm following you. Check out my blog: www.beccahasfaith.blogspot.com

    1. Thank you so much, Becca! I really appreciate it!

  2. My heart was completely broken as I read this so I can't even begin to imagine how your heart has ben shattered. I will pray. No w& for a long time to come. For your whole family.

    Your love & friendship with him comes out loudly in your words. It is so good that you are writing about him. Keep it up...write down those little memories that pop into your head...write down every single one. Sending love from Minnesota.


  3. I'm so sorry. Praying.

  4. I will pray for you and your brother always.

  5. I don't know what to say. This is beyond terrible...I am so sorry for. I cannot imagine anything like that happening to one of my older brothers...I am so, so, so, SO sorry. I have tears in my eyes. I want to weep for you...and I will pray. I will.
    Tane ♥

  6. I'm sorry for you and your family. I will pray. How hard it must be for you. I can't imagine what your going through.

  7. I'm so sorry Sarah:( I pray that God will help you through this. Never forget that Nick will always be with you! He was a big part of your life. I sure he wouldn't want you to be sad of hurt. I had a friend that recently took his life, it's a very hard thing to live with. I can't imagine your pain.
    Lots of love,
    Lot's of hugs,
    Lot's of tears,
    And LOT'S of prayer,

  8. I can not even put into words what I really mean, this is so grieving:( My prayers go out to you. Having this happen to my older brother would be impossible to live through. I am so, so sorry.
    Prayers always,

  9. Thank you, everybody for your thoughts and prayers! It means so much to me!!! I don't know what I would do without you, Girlies :)

  10. ( I tried commenting on this a while ago, but it wouldn't let me )
    While I was reading this beautiful post about your brother, tears were building in my eyes. Your brother sounds like an amazing person. I wish I could've met him.
    I love people that can make me laugh even when I don't want to.
    You and your brother have a beautiful relationship.
    As you can see, I'm only using present tense because even though your brother isn't here with you, your relationship still goes on. :)
    You and your family are in my prayers. <3
    Love you, Sarah!

  11. Sarah: I'm so sorry! I have brothers, and I can imagine the hurt you must be going through. You and your family will be in my prayers.

    ps i followed

  12. Oh my goodness! I am so sorry. I will definitely be praying for you and your family. Just remember that God is always there for you. All you need to do is call out to Him and He will answer.

  13. My heart breaks for you and all your family. May you feel Jesus' sweet, loving arms wrapped tightly around you. Oh how the Lord loves you, your family, and Nick himself. May you feel His love, strength, mercy, and grace in tangible ways today, tomorrow, and every day.

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  15. My heart is aching for you! He sounded like a wonderful person! Praying God will give you strenght through this tragedy and even though that hole in your heart will never really be filled I hope it gives you peace to know I am praying for you and your family. And I hope you also find peace to know that Nick is safe in heaven with Jesus♥ I will add you to my list of prayers and will pray for you every night. God bless, Emmy

  16. Your family is in my prayers. <3

    I realy am.
    Love grace oxoxoxoxox ♥ ♥ ♥

  18. Sarah, I am so sorry for your loss. Nick sounded like an awesome big brother!
    I'm praying for you and your family, that God will give you the strength and courage to keep going, and that you will you experience his peace.

    God bless you and your family,

  19. Hi Sarah,
    I don't know you, but I just came across your blog and read this post. Your brother sounds like he was a wonderful man. And I am so sorry to hear about his death. I know that it will never be the same without him. I also have a brother in heaven who I loved so much. He brought my family and I so much joy and laughter. He died seven years ago of Leukemia (I have shared his story on my blog if you are interested in reading it.). Even though I don't really know you, I do know a little how you feel and I wanted you to know that I will be praying for you.
    God bless you!