Saturday, March 30, 2013

A Brother In Heaven

Dear Followers,
I'm sorry, I haven't posted in almost a month. I'm sad to say that I have a good excuse.
On March 11, 2013, my brother, Nick, died two days after his 21st birthday. It hurts me to say that he took his own life. I know people will judge him and think, "Oh, he must of been really depressed." But the truth is, is that Nick was the happiest man I have ever known. And I hope you'll understand.
 Nick was the kind of guy that never complained. He listened, laughed, smiled, quoted movies like it was his job, and could make you laugh until you cry. Nick could also remember every little detail about his childhood.
There's not one thing I can do that doesn't remind me of him these days. It hurts.
Every single time I strum my guitar...Nick always wanted to learn it.
Eating food...Nick ate ALL the time.
Watching basketball...Nick and I joked around about how boring it was.
Watching movies...Nick could never stop quoting them.
When I listen to music...Nick would sit in his room and turn up his radio till you had to tell him to turn it down because you were trying to sleep or do homework.
When I hear or see big loud trucks...Nick's big grey truck was practically his baby.
When I play cards...Nick and I used to go to my great grandma's house and play 500 rummy.
I could name off a billion things but the one I hate the most is when I laugh. I think about all the times we've laughed together. All the times I've walked into a room and heard his silly sounding laugh echo through the house and knew he was there. I'll never forget that laugh and I'll never be able to laugh the same.
As I walk through his bedroom, I think of all the things I'll really miss.
His cowboy boots.
His big Carhartt coat.
His perfect smile.
His funny laugh.
His smell of cologne that wafted through the house when he was going out on the weekend.
His big loud truck that he took so much pride in.
His kindness.
And once again, I could list off a million.

Nick was the other pea in my pod. We thought the same. We acted the same. We were everything the same. Nick understood everything. I would tell him things that were bothering me and he would simply listen and nod. Every time something exciting happened while I was out and about, I would always look forward to coming home and telling it to Nick. When I was having a bad day, I'd walk to his room, sit on his bed, and he would tell me story after story until I was practically in tears from laughter. I'll really miss that. My big brother. My best friend.

I'll miss you and love you forever, Nick. I still can't believe you're gone.
There are just two things I would like to ask of you before you leave. Please keep Nick in your prayers. And please! Please! I don't care how much you may hate your brother...give him a hug, do something nice for him, or play a game. Just do something because you never know how much time they'll have left.
Thank you,